So I was up to visit Umass Amherst this weekend, after what had been my longest drought with out visiting. At first I thought maybe this explained why I got ridiculously drunk. However I then realized that although that may have been a huge factor, the real culprit here was this new firefly sweet tea vodka. I actually heard about this stuff through my email chain right before I left. So when I was in line at the liquor I asked about it. Now the first time i ever had sweet tea was in north carolina while working construction. The waitress asked if i wanted "sweet tea" or "unsweetened tea." Im thinking of course i want it to be sweetened right? I mean im not gonna order a cake with no frosting. Well lets just say I threw the shit up faster then a bulimic person after thanksgiving dinner. It was basically like putting 4 spoon fulls of sugar in my mouth. I could feel my teeth rotting. Anywho I remember hearing that you didn't even really need to mix this stuff so i figured it had to be good. Although this is true, it is not highly recommended. We poured this stuff on ice and added a splash of water. Tasted just like a twisted tea. So i have two glasses. Now in my head im thinking ok i just had 2 mix drinks when in reality i had two full glasses of vodka. I then went to a hosue where we proceeded to do one of my brothers classic power hours. Lets just say by 10 o'clock we were singing karaoke and playing "the bachelor" with a girl who was higher then snoop dog on a sunday. If you honeslty believe this story doesn't end in a blackout then please stop by my house I have a few lucky rocks I would like to sell you.
We went to the pub and a house party. At this point my body is out but my brain never really made it past the 2 glasses of vodka and a power hour pregame. On the way home my 2 buddies decide to stop in to subway. Under the assumption that im laying comatose in the back seat, they assume I didn't want anything. After they go in I come out of my blackout, but not fully, im more in a grey out now. In case your wondering, my definition of a grey out is that I didn't remember it until someone told me. and in this case i don't really remember it so it was a really dark grey. What happened was my roomate locked the door so when I went to try to get out the alarm went off. I must have been spooked and decided i no longer wanted to get out. I then probably passed out because all of a sudden next thing im talking to an officer of the law. With the car alarm still going off and the firefly flowing through my blood veins, im completley out of my element. I was waiting for the usual adrenaline from talking to a cop to kick in and sober me up a little. Lets just say I don't think there was a drop of adrenaline in my body. If anything some natural morphin kicked in and my body became even more numb and slow.
The cop kept asking who the owner of the car was and for some reason I must have thought I was in the mob or something because I refused to tell them his name. Apparently I made up some ridiculous fake name that began with a B. I was slurring my words and stuttering all over the place. I kept restarting my story, all in fear that if I gave up josh's name, I was going to single handedly rat out the mafia. I think at one point I said "just let me sit down and I can explain things better" Finally my two friends come out of subway, and apparently at this point there are now 4 cruisers, im sitting on the curb, and one of the cops is putting on rubber gloves. Lord knows that he was going to do, I probably told him I had a wire up my ass or something. My friend josh tells the officer its his car, he says "yea this kid couldn't even tell us your name" followed by "he is the drunkest person I have ever seen, and I have seen a lot of drunk people." Im not saying im gonna post that on my fridge but thats pretty impressive coming from a cop who works in a town with a top ranked party school.
All im saying is although this shit is great and might be the best summer liquor to come out in a while, drink it with caution.
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