coming in at #4) AVERAGE JOE
Your AVERAGE JOE is the largest of the categories. These are the people who put enjoying themselves as their main priority at college. They do however want to achieve academic success, they usually strive for As, are happy with Bs, and will take a C in a difficult class. The AVERAGE JOE is usually found at the back of the classroom. Normally because he or she still smells of alcohol and will not be under the constant eye contact of the teacher. The AVERAGE JOE is a huge procrastinator and usually not very organized. This leads to homework being a very big problem for the AVERAGE JOE. Since homework needs to be done often and doesn't seem like its worth much (till its added up), its hard for an AVERAGE JOE to withstand peer pressure with the meer excuse of homework.
Finals season is always a bittersweet time for the AVERAGE JOE. There is a lot of partying going on during this time, and any "reading day" is seen as a night you can go out. However because of all the procrastinating the work has built up faster then your tetris wall on the final level. Also since they are usually unorganized they have little to study off of. However the AVERAGE JOE is a go getter an a smooth talker. He will first manage to get the notes from someone...anyone. He then prepares for the AVERAGE JOE's pattened move....the all nighter.
The AVERAGE JOE dreads this but does it EVERY single semester. Its like clockwork. He or she will go to the library with their books, coffee, pastries, and 127 miligrams of adderall. The average joes splits his time about 35 to 65 when it comes to learning to ways to cheat. The AVERAGE JOE is a master cheater. He has learned never to cheat off of either SUPER NERD and when the teacher says "I know all the ways of cheating, so don't try it"...he or she laughs in the professors face. For this AVERAGE JOE knows all the moves... He begins plugging formulas into his graphic calculator, puts clips from lessons on his i-pod, puts a few of the key numbers in the printout nutritional facts for his soda, ready to pay the extra internet bill on his phone that month...etc. The list goes on, all im saying is that when the teacher says "3 by 6" index cards...the AVERAGE JOE is "4 by 8...double sided" The AVERAGE JOE knows that a hat is a cheaters best friend. The AVERAGE JOE has eyes like a hawk and can read a bubble sheet from 4 rows back, and isn't phased by different color or versions of a test.
The AVERAGE JOE usually does well on the test because he has 35% of his own knowledge and 65% of the knowledge of everyone around them. They go through the test and answer the ones they know then cheat on the ones they don't. They know their smart and take only what they need as to reduce their chances of getting caught.
OVERALL EVALUATION OF THE AVERAGE JOE: They are a great addition to a class since he or she looks like hell and usually says something hilarious everytime they are called on. The only people who don't like the AVERAGE JOEs are the people who sacrifice not going out to party and still getting a worse grade then the AVERAGE JOE.
Finally #5....The FAILURE
The fifth and final person you see at finals is the FAILURE (how do you like that for illiteration). Anywho the FAILURE is similar to the AVERAGE JOE except academics are of no real value to them. The FAILURE is very frustrating because they literally don't do anything except sit around all day. They will flat our skip class, projects, quizzes, test and think nothing of it. The FAILURE usually is a big fan of the marijuana. The most interesting part is that some of the FAILUREs are absolute geniuses. They just choose to put forth 0 effort. A FAILURE will either take one of two paths when it comes to how poorly he or she is doing in school. They will either pull the "whatever man, I just hate going to class" or the over energized "You know what I could go past that test right now but fuck it!!! lets roll one up instead" As for a FAILURE's seat in class, they do not have one since they do not go....
true story of a FAILURE friend of mine: I had a rare small class at Umass, so although there were people I didn't know I recognized everyone in class. In fact after a few weeks we basically had assigned seating. This class was set up midterm -final as grades (which blows) I sit down at my mid term and I hear "whats up kelleher" I look over and its my friend. I say "theres no fucking way your in this class, where have you been" he said "I walked in the first day grabbed the syllabus left and haven't been to a class since."
...thats the FAILURE type attitude im talking about, they just don't care. If someone tells you they failed out of college cause they "partyied too hard"...BULLSHIT. You get Cs and Ds cause you partyied too hard, to get multiple Fs, unless your maybe pre med, you gave less of an effort then a stripper dancing on a monday afternoon.
OVERALL EVALUATION OF A FAILURE: They are sort of a leech in that they suck the academic success out of the people around them. They are clutch when you have no work, since they are always willing to hang out. They are usually very nice but frustrate you with how little they do.
HONORABLE MENTION:
The "ADDERALL GUY": Having an "adderall guy" is very important at school, especially during finals. If you don't have an adderall guy, then your gonna be paying a pretty penny during finals season. The "ADDERALL GUY" loves finals season, he is the one buying patron shots at the end of a semster while everyone else is buying Rubinov and PBRs. The "ADDERALL GUY" is like Johnny Depp in the movie Blow, he can almost demand any price and has girls calling him off the hook. As to whether people like their "ADDERALL GUY" its debatable, but either way nobody talks shit about them in public in fear they might lose their supply line.
OVERALL EVALUATION OF THE "ADDERALL GUY": Well known on campus, high roller during finals season and whether you like them or not...you need them
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