THE BUFFALO EFFECT!!!

I was going to save this post for Friday but since yesterday was Cinco de Mayo, tonight the NBA playoffs are on, tomorrow is "thirsty thursday" and well friday is the start of the weekend, I have a feeling that some of you may be feeling sort of guilty recently. You might be thinking, "I have been drinking way too much recently. I am disgusted with myself and feel like my body hates me." well you know what I say....ERRONEOUS! ERRONEOUS ON BOTH ACCOUNTS. I have heard for years how bad alcohol is for your body, but I just refused to believe that something that taste so good once it hits your lips and leads to so many unbelievable times could be this detrimental to your body. I was ready to give up hope and begin to think perhaps this stuff is bad for you after all. Then I came across the BUFFALO EFFECT! I must warn you, if you have vowed to turn your life around since college or whenever your "glory" days were then good for you but please do not read any further. This holy passage can turn sober frank back into "Frank the tank", or born again virgin Lucy back into "loose Lucy" So without further ado(seriously somebody needs to get me the spelling of that word) I present to you.....THE BUFFALO EFFECT:

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole is maintained or even improved by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells through which the electrical signals pass. Recent epidemiological studies have shown that while excessive intake of alcohol kills off brain cells, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. Thus, regular consumption of beer, wine etc., helps eliminate the weaker cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. The result of this in-depth study verifies and validates the causal link between all-weekend parties and job related performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leaving a university and getting married, most professionals cannot keep up with the performance of the new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels that they achieve during their college years.

So quit your bitching folks. I don't want to hear anymore "I can't drink like I use to" or "I have work in the morning" or "I get so much more hungover then I use to" True, some of us are not 18 anymore but all those bullshit excuses are just in your head. In fact its probably the weak little pussy brain cells that are making you say that anyways. Its time to flush out all those weak brain cells with a good slu tear*(see below) weekend of drinking. And don't limit yourself to drinking at night, nowhere on a bottle does it say "can only be consumed after 5 p.m." People need to open their eyes to day drinking. I know what some of you debbie downers are thinking "that may be true but brain cells don't grow back so eventually your going to kill too many" Well there may be a day that comes where I have only 5 or 6 brains cells left but ill tell you what, those will be the "dream team" of brain cells. Those mother fuckers will be the strongest, fastest, smartest brain cells I ever had. So cheers to you, me and the buffalo effect....

*Slu tear - DEFINITION: When an individual drinks thursday through sunday evening. (saying is courtesy of A. Moore)